Stephanie Bradt: Kennedy: Our nation’s first Catholic president. Obama: Our nation’s first black president. Lewis: Our nation’s first retarded president. More on President Lewis later.
SALT kind of confused the hell out of me, but only for a little while. There were about 50 different times throughout the film where I thought I understood what was going on. And then I said wtf. But, I guess that was how it should have been. I’m not saying being confused is a bad thing; my favorite television show was LOST, after all. At least with SALT, you can sit down afterward and figure it out. I think a second viewing would help.
•Angelina Jolie’s arachnologist (sp?) husband named his spider discovery “petebesti,” named after the Beatle that never was. The point was that while Pete Best would never be a famous Beatle, he would be a famous spider. Ha.
•I liked that Angelina’s husband isn’t hot. Because Angelina isn’t hot either (contrary to popular belief). They are great for each other.
•I liked how there was a brief Lee Harvey Oswald tie in. I love a good conspiracy theory, especially one involving JFK’s assassination.
•I like Liev Schreiber. He’s cool.
•I love how they just had to have the very first shot of Angelina as her wearing nothing but her underwear.
The negative that kind of ruined most of it:
I don’t know if this movie lived up to all the hype, but I thought it was pretty good. Except for one thing: Enter President Moron. IMDb says his name is President Lewis. It is really nice we are tolerant and want to represent all groups, but why make the President of the United States retarded? Actually, that is not the right word for it. I guess the guy is just a REALLY bad actor. (Sure enough, according to IMDb, this guy’s last five jobs were gigs on “One Life to Live,” “As the World Turns,” “All My Children,” “Guiding Light,” and “Baywatch.” I am serious. I swear-- this little discovery made my week). Anyway, national security is crumbling all around him and he just sits there like a deer in the headlights. Actually, more like a deer AFTER getting hit by a car. President Lewis’s advisor tells him how spies have infiltrated the American government and he just stares blankly with his bug eyes like, “Okay.” But really he just sits there. He is not distraught at all. He was not being calm under pressure. He was being calm like the news he just got was simply that the White House cook had burnt his toast or something. He acts like a toddler. He does not seem to understand or care that the country is being taken over by Russians. He just wants to know when he can go home and watch Muppet Babies.
Jordan Bradt: My dad came home with a movie the other day – SALT. It even came with a decorative piece of cloth depicting Angelina Jolie. This piece of cloth is a great present. You can do so much with it. A couple examples include draping it over the back of the couch, laying it on your bed, pinning it like a cape, and throwing it at people while yelling, “Salt!” It really is quite versatile. There are no loops to hang it from (although my mom plans to sew it into a flag for her pole out in front) and it is very thin, rather see-through in fact.
Okay, my dears, onto the movie. Evelyn Salt was amazing. Seriously. She could take out like 10 trained soldiers (a bit of an exaggeration) and they could barely touch her. The only serious injury I recall her getting was at the end, from another Russian spy. At the end, she sneaks into the spymaster’s house and destroys him, then blows everything up. Yes, she is apparently that good at her work.
There are all these Russian spies, and they can do incredible things. Since the movie is American, I felt like they should give more power to the Americans. The president depicted in the movie acted as if he had no idea what was going on. I kept thinking WTF. Her husband dies. She feels sad, but she lets him die. Again, WTF. The action was good. I must congratulate them on a unique plot. (I don’t watch too many action, but of those I’ve seen, this wasn’t quite like them) The bad things…well, I pointed them out above. This isn’t one of those movies I’ll watch repeatedly, which is sad since my family owns it. At least I have that really cool cloth, though.