Monday, August 27, 2012

Cowboys Versus Aliens

Jordan Bradt: One fine day, I met a movie entitled COWBOYS VERSUS ALIENS.  My dad bought the Blu-Ray disk for my mother because one of her favorite television sitcoms is THE BIG VALLEY.  Well, this movie is nothing at all like that show. For a wondrous compare and contrast list, please read on.

Character Development: TBV allows you to follow the Barkley family through their trials and tribulations.  In CVA, you sort of follow a group of men and one alien woman as they embark across the desert-area.  My favorite TBV character is Heath; in CVA, I hated them all equally.  Yes, I didn’t care enough about any one character to hate him or her more than the others.

Awesome Male Protagonist: TBV has Heath, the illegitimate Barkley son; he can do anything, and he’s sexy. He takes off his shirt a lot. Woohoo!  CVA has Jake; he can also do anything. Heath and Jake can both take out a man in a single swipe of their fist. Jake also took off his shirt a lot.  He’s buff, but I didn’t find him sexy or hot. 

Supporting Female Role: TBV has Audra, the young Barkley daughter.  She’s gentle and beautiful, sometimes flighty, but her golden heart always shines through. CVA has Ella, an alien disguised as a woman.  She stares. A lot.  She sacrificed herself at the end, so I guess she also has a golden heart.

Native Americans: Both the movie and the television show have Native American characters, who are sort of the bad guys, but also pull through when their help is needed. 

Mexicans: Again, both shows have them, sometimes as positive characters, sometimes as bad.

Outlaws: Both have lots of outlaws! TBV keep them as the bad guys.  The Barkleys come shining through to vanquish evil and save the day.  In CVA, the outlaws become the good guys and help terminate the aliens. 

Overall, while I adore science-fiction, I prefer TBV over CVA.  There’s something thrilling about a family struggling to survive through everyday trials in the 1800’s, as opposed to aliens trying to steal 1800’s American gold while operating on human victim.


Jordan Bradt:


I had the pleasure of watching the movie LOL, starring Demi Moore and Miley Cyrus.  I knew it was going to be awesome when it started in slow motion, and Miley’s voiceover announced that was because she and her friends are so cool.  That was further proven through the whole movie as they suffer no character development, just stay at the same level of supreme coolness.  Her name in the movie, Lola a.k.a. Lolz (can anyone say Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen Lola?), is just too mind-blowing to keep thinking about it, so I’m going to refer to her as Miley.
LOL is just…wonderful. It doesn’t even need a plot. Literally. There was no plot, but that was okay, because of all the awesomeness. There’s, like, this girl at Miley’s high school who is called the Post-It.  I mean, how could any nickname ever get any better than that?  Miley gets to go to Paris for a school trip via her French class.  She has his boyfriend, Chad, but he cheated, so she dumped him, but now he thinks she’s a whore.  There’s this other guy, Kyle.  They were both so incredibly hot that I had trouble telling who was who while watching the movie.  Then there’s this third guy who had this one really deep scene with Miley in her bedroom. Random Guy seemed interesting; I would’ve liked to see at least one more scene involving him.  The product placement was phenomenal.  The Pandora jewelry box – what teenage girls doesn’t want that?  The box of Trojan condoms – what teenage boy doesn’t bring the whole box to a party?

Oh, and Miley’s family is just incredible.  Her mom, younger sister, and her all bathe together, and discuss things while naked in the tub such as porn stars and Brazilian waxes.  Her grandmother gets drunk and lets Miley host a wild party.  Miley’s mom, Demi Moore, finds Miley’s journal, where whole new plot-lines are introduced, such as smoking pot and “loving” her female friends, but are never elaborated.  The best part of all is when Miley and Demi have sex (with different men in different countries) and the move keeps flashing back and forth between them. Who doesn’t want to see that?

Speaking of who doesn’t want to see things…who really wants to see this movie? Seriously?