Brink!

Stephanie Bradt: Andy “Brink” Brinker is the title character of the 1998 DCOM, Brink! He is played by Erik Von Detten, apparently Disney’s go-to for a stereotypical California boy, just like the one he plays in The Princess Diaries three years later. Brink is a skater boy who likes to use made up words such as “chornage,” which is Skater Boy for “chores.” Brink and his friends call themselves “soul skaters,” but Brink is the only one who seems to have the annoying California voice, hair, and mannerisms.

The rivals of the soul skaters are Val and his Team X-Bladz, mean skaters who have a sponsorship (of course). Brink is a good person, but he kind of sells out to join Team X-Bladz for $200 a week. He wants to make it big in skating because he wants an identity, but he also has the sympathetic motivation of fixing his family’s financial woes. Brink is further alienated from his friends when one of his group gets hurt due to Val cheating during a race. Brink feels bad and has a heart to heart with his dad and decides to go back to skating for the right reasons. His dramatic exit from Team X-Bladz consists of throwing milkshake into Val’s face, because Disney. Brink makes it up to his team and once again joins them to compete against Team X-Bladz. Of course, the games culminate in a final, dangerous downhill race: Val vs. Brink. And of course, Val is a jerk and tries to cheat his way to victory, but Brink and company come out on top, while Val’s douchey antics are caught on camera. 

Brink! had pretty good sports action, as well as some wholesome moments. It has a good message of friendship with the good guys ending up happy and the bad guys getting what they deserve. In other words, a solid Disney Channel Original Movie.

Some other thoughts:

• According to Wikipedia, this movie is loosely based on a novel an 1865 novel about a Dutch speedskater named Hans Brinker! Where has this book been all my life?!
• The banker from Horse Sense and Even Stevens dad, is now a boring science teacher. This guy might be in every Disney thing ever.
• I liked the dad because he was funny and sarcastic, but still a good dad. I shared his frustration with his son’s poor use of the English language. 
• This is yet another movie where schoolkids have a sponsorship. Kids watching these movies back in the day must have thought that this is something common or easy to achieve.
• Brink is 110% California surfer/skater/valley dude, yet his friends seem quite nerdy other than the whole skater thing.
• I loved the melodrama when Gabriella got hurt. When Brink visits her to apologize, she is in bed in her dark bedroom in a deep depression. She took a bad spill onto the pavement, but really? Now she is bed-ridden? She’s not dying. And then like five minutes later, she is back to competing like nothing ever happened.

Jordan Bradt:  It took me forever to watch this movie, because my son instantly hated it.  He's 3, and I guess rollerblades aren't his thing yet.  I had to watch it in small increments with him, and eventually he wandered off.  He missed out on the end.  Oh well.

This was another solid DCOM.  It had some good values regarding friendship, honesty, and family relationships.  The dad and Bring didn't get along, but Dad kept trying to connect with Brink.  We got to understand Dad's reasoning.  He wasn't one-dimensional.  Their relationship was realistic.

I only had a few issues:

• How easy is it to get a sponsorship?  It basiclaly fell into Brink's lap.  Is that common for teenagers?  
• Why was Bring the only guy to talk like that?  It felt weird.  They were in California, and it would have felt more well-rounded if at least one other person talked like that.
• The Soul Skaters were jerks to people around them.  Jumping over diners?  Ruining their food?  They were great skaters, but not the best of people.  
• Like what Stephanie said above, Gabriella's accident was weird.  She got hurt.  It looked painful.  Did she need to be bedridden?  She got right back up!  

Smart House

Stephanie Bradt: I had the privilege of re-watching Smart House (1999) and I was relieved to find that I still like it. It is still in my top 3 DCOMs. This is also probably the one I remember best so either it really made that much of an impression on me when I was a youngster or I watched it 37 times. Or both. 

So I press “Play” and I’m watching the opening titles and WHAT?! Apparently LeVar Burton directed this film. I even checked to confirm that it was that LeVar Burton. I didn’t know he even know he directed movies. So right off the bat, I like this movie even more now compared to 20+ years ago, which I don’t think ever happens. Anyway, we open with the ubiquitous DCOM star Ryan Merriman as Ben and his cute and sassy little sister (check), who also played the cute and sassy little sister in Brink. We also learn that the mom is no longer living (check). 

Ben misses his mom and is very protective of the family staying the way it is, so he is being a—I won’t use the vulgar term that I’m thinking of right now, but Ben is doing his best to sabotage any potential dates his father might have by tying up the phone line all hours of the night with his web-surfing. (Dial-up; how quaint). He enters a contest and is awarded the title “Smart House,” a big cool house run by artificial intelligence (call her Pat). Pat is basically the Siri or Alexa before their time. As with many other stories involving robots, Pat gets out of hand and we learn once again that technology can be scary and that in a family, you just can’t replace human beings.

More thoughts:

• We get a lot of 1999 technology action between the old school instant messaging, entering contests via “electronic mail,” and letting the house phone’s answering machine pick up the call when you’re on your way out.
• I was pleased to see that they live in a normal-ish, somewhat modest and less extravagant house than people normally do in these movies, but I guess that was just so that it could be a better contrast to their eventual Smart House. Why bother winning a house that is less awesome and cool than the one you’re already living in?
• The music! Even over 20 years later, the stupid “Jump, jump, the house is jumping” song is branded into my brain. I can’t think of this movie without thinking of that song and being transported back to 1999. And yes, I had that B*Witched CD back in the day. Not to mention the score—they took the mockingbird song and made it totally creepy as Pat got creepier.
• The floor absorbers are introduced in the beginning of the movie, but then later on when Pat helps the kids clean up by using the floor absorbers, they are like “Wow!” Um, you knew about this already…
• I forgot all the little romance stuff but I enjoyed it
• Ben and his friends perform a little dance routine while watching a concert video (“kick-butt video screen). Even then, I wondered: Do 13-year-old boys even like, much less have a choreographed dance to, boy bands?
• I thought everything is better now because Pat won’t go rogue and mess with their lives anymore. Yet she slips chocolate chips into their pancakes at the end! First it’s chocolate chips; next it will be like arsenic or something. We’ve seen how scary and powerful is capable of being! I’m just being paranoid? Okay.

Jordan Bradt: I remember this being a good movie from my childhood.  Not a favorite, but good.  I watched if there was nothing else on.  This time around, it was still a solid movie, but the characters didn't really grow or learn anything.  It was more about being a preteen's dream. 

1) As a kid, I thought the features of the house were wicked cool.  As a 32-year-old woman, they com with a lot of questions.  Where does the garbage go when its absorbed into the floor?  Its creepy how much the house can tell from a blood sample and breathalyzer.  The government could hack into that and know way too much about you.   Also, how does the smart house get the groceries it uses to make all the food?

2) If the house can tell you how to better play basketball, can it also tell you how to have better sex?  I would never want to have sex in this house.

3) What does the dad do for a living that he can pay the taxes on the smart house and afford to keep their old house?

4) I would have liked it if they had no real choice except to move into the smart house.  Like, they were about to lose their apartment to the building of a new hospital...or they needed a bigger house...or their house was falling down.

5) Dad was just plain horny.  He didn't know anything about Sarah, at first, except that she was hot.  He just wanted to get in her pants through the entire movie. 

6) The bully demands Ben to do his homework before lunch...but then Ben doesn't give it to him until the following day.

7) In the beginning, Dad is shown as being a doting father, but he never knew about the bully?  Even Ben acts surprised that Dad didn't know he was being bullied.

8) The house came fully furnished...even with furniture for a teenage boy and preteen girl?  Did the house materialize the furniture?

9) When images are displayed across the walls, where do the pictures and posters go?

10) How does the golf ball disappear into the wall one minute and the next golf ball ricochets around the house?

11) How many days have gone by?  Ben never brought his friends over to the house?  The friends, who knew all about Ben winning the smart house, didn't know it was a smart house?

12) If Pat is in maternal mode, why does she throw Ben a rave?  What kind of "good" mother does that?  She learned from watching vintage sitcoms, and I'm pretty sure June Cleaver never threw the Beaver a rave. 

Overall, it is a good preteen movie, and the ending was nice. 

Motorcrossed

Stephanie Bradt: Our next film was Motocrossed (2001). I can’t help but wonder: Was this always that bad? Am I just an old grouch now? This was one of my favorite DCOMs growing up. I have always enjoyed plots involving women trying to make their way in a man’s world. Girl Power movies. I also remember thinking the boys were cute. Andrew and Andrea Carson are twins who love Motocross.

Unfortunately, their dad is, at best, “old-fashioned,” therefore only Andrew is allowed to participate in competitions. The dad is as competitive with his son’s racing (which is also part of the family business) as he is fiercely protective of his daughter. So, Andrew is the one who is going to race in the tournament to hopefully win a sponsorship for the family. When Andrew (should I call them Andy and Andi?) is injured during practice, it seems all is lost, but wait! It turns out if Andi cuts her hair and dons sunglasses, she is unrecognizable as the fairer sex. Here is Andi’s chance to finally race with the big boys. Eventually her brothers and then her mother find out, but they sympathize with her and recognize that she is the better racer, so they help hide the ruse. Eventually, the secret gets out, but by then everyone is inspired by Andi and on her side and everyone is happy.

 Some of my thoughts:
 • Andrew and Andrea? Andy and Andi? Really?
 • The use of another popular plot point: the disguise that seems to fool everyone except the viewer. Just like how Superman and Clark Kent look absolutely nothing alike because Clark wears glasses and Superman does not. I had trouble getting past it this time around.
 • I always thought the love interest and the twin brother looked alike, which is super weird
 • The French kid that is supposed to race in her place is such an over the top, snobby European movie villain. He is best described by Andy and Andi’s fun little brother: “You think, like, anyone in France actually misses him?”
 • The dad is kind of emotionally abusive to Andi—he blames her for her brother’s injury. He tells her that he wants her to “start concentrating on things a 15-year-old girl should be concentrating on!” (Which is what? Make-up? Boys? You’d think the dad would be happy his daughter has a hobby she is passionate about). He also makes her give up her bedroom, out of the entire rest of the house, for French Jerk! And then even when father and daughter make up at the end, he tells her that, in fact, he always wanted a daughter instead of a son…because then he wouldn’t have to worry about her doing motocross and getting hurt. (!)
 • The love interest is instantly attracted to Andi when he meets her as Andi, even though she doesn’t look that different from Andi as Andy. And then when he finds out Andy is Andi, he gets over it quickly and the flirting commences.
 • It just ended too neatly. The whole family was pretty deceptive, and everyone was automatically okay with it.


Jordan Bradt:  This was my movie back in the day!  It made me, a total girly-girl, want to get into dirt bike racing.  I remember telling my parents I wanted a dirt bike.  They were all for it and I was so excited.  Of course, nothing ever came of that.

I wanted to love this movie so much.  My three-year-old walked out after 5 minutes, so I watched it alone, and...well...I didn't like it so much.

How did they afford that huge house, pool, and all that land if Dad had quit his job and Mom didn't work?  They didn't have the sponsorship yet.

Would the sponsorship really have given them enough money to continue their lifestyle that way?

The beginning of the movie made it sound as if Dad never let Andrea race...so how was she so good?

Mom was such a weakling in the beginning.  I hated how meek she was whenever Dad went on a tirade.  She sort of got a backbone at the end, but the relationship didn't feel healthy.

Dean is AMAZING.  He is my new favorite DCOM crush.  He and Andrea worked so well together, and they supported each other 100%.  I want a sequel where they are raising their kids to be motocross stars.

I appreciated that Andrea didn't win her first races.  The way she fumbled was so realistic.  The others racers were realistic too, and I liked the feminism of the movie.  It was done in a tasteful way.

The ending brought back all the warm excitement I'd felt watching it as a kid.  For a second, I even wanted to get into motocross again, haha!

Would I watch it again right away?  I would.  Do I recommend it for preteens?  Definitely.

Horse Sense

If you were like us, you grew up glued to the TV screen every so often to catch the latest DCOM.  You know they were awesome and the highlight of your life.  You went to school afterwards unable to talk about anything else.

We decided to re-watch some of our favorites to see how they held up to our memories.  First up - Horse Sense!

Stephanie Bradt: To begin our nostalgic journey through some of the Disney Channel Original Movie (DCOM) repertoire, we started with the 1999 movie, Horse Sense. It stars Joey and Andy Lawrence, two of the three Lawrence brothers who I remember being popular at the time. This movie came out after all three brothers starring in the sitcom Brotherly Love together. We begin with Tommy (Andy Lawrence) departing his Montana home to visit his cousin, Michael (Joey Lawrence), in Los Angeles. Tommy’s mother thinks this trip will be good for Tommy, whose father had recently passed away. Michael is a stereotypically spoiled and preppy rich kid who has never worked a day in his life. He has an extremely annoying girlfriend, who is basically a walking caricature of a valley girl.

Throughout Tommy’s visit, Michael is a jerk and neglects his cousin in favor of his irritating girlfriend. Tommy returns home to Montana after a couple weeks of watching movies by himself all day long. Tommy has an opportunity for revenge when he gets to return the favor: Michael’s parents send him to Montana to learn to be a good person and not a dirt bag. The ensuing plot is Michael learning the value of hard work while bonding with only-child Tommy as Tommy comes to terms with his father’s death. Horse Sense was a decent, wholesome family movie. It had your classic country life vs. city life conflict, as well as the “Oh no, we’re going to lose the ranch to foreclosure!” storyline. Throw in the obligatory dead-parent narrative, and you’ve got yourself a DCOM. A lot of it was cliché, but everything is tied up nicely, which I always appreciate in a movie.

 Some of my thoughts:
• This whole being-exiled-to-a-family-member’s-house-as-punishment thing seems to happen a lot in books and movies and I always wonder, who is punishing whom? Michael’s parents raised a brat so instead of actually parenting, they decide to pawn him off on Aunt Jules instead?! Also, Michael is a jerk so his punishment is to go to a ranch in Montana? I feel like that is insulting to the people who live there. The place isn’t prison, jeez.
 • Haha, Michael and his girlfriend had to celebrate their two week anniversary (did I hear that right?) • Tommy’s very respectful, Disney-approved line during his big argument with Michael: “I don’t like or respect you!”
 • Why was Matthew, the middle Lawrence brother, not in this movie? Maybe he was tied up with his work on Boy Meets World?
• Michael’s girlfriend. For some reason she has a perpetually bizarre look on her face—it is hard to explain; basically, she never closes her mouth
• The only glaring/entertaining time this movie really showed its age were a couple scenes with a flip phone (and the fact that Michael was fancy for having one) and the brilliant green screen—I mean, night sky—scene with the excessively bright and large shooting star.

Jordan Bradt: I went in thinking this would be incredibly cheesy.  My three-year-old son hated it and wandered off after the first 10 minutes.  However, I still enjoyed it!  It is by no means my favorite movie, and I'm not sure I would watch it again anytime soon, but I found it hard to pick it apart.

The characters were solid.  To be honest, I don't remember the little boy's name, but I GOT HIM.  His dad just died.  He's hurting.  At the family reunion, he had a good time with his cool older cousin.  He decides to go visit said cooler older cousin, and when the older cousin doesn't live up to his expectations, he retaliates in a healthy, youthful way.

The older cousin, Michael, is realistic too.  He's in college, has a new girlfriend, and the last thing he wants is to hang out with a little kid.  When he gets to the ranch, his actions and disgusts are realistic, and he learns to love the ranch.  He becomes a hard worker his parents can be proud of.

Even the resolution at the end worked for me.  Michael laid out his proposition in a business sense that worked for the bank, and he pointed out the other failing ranches in the area.  It wasn't some miraculous cure-all.

I only had a few issues, but they didn't detract from my enjoyment.

1) Gina, the girlfriend, was supposed to be a bad guy, but I got her too.  She was used to the superficial world.  She wasn't exactly leading Michael down the wrong path and she never did anything malicious.

2) However...Michael just didn't work for me with Gina.  I wanted Michael to find a girl on the ranch, and when he didn't, I was disappointed.  I get that it isn't a love story, but I wanted that for him.

3) The aunt didn't seem to even want the ranch anymore.  I got the feeling it hurt her too much to live there.  She could have taken money from her sister and paid it back.  She seemed to know the ranch would never make it, but she kept stringing her workers and son along as if she was trying.  Maybe this is unfair of me.  The movie said she had too much pride to take the money.  If she really wanted to save the ranch for her son, wouldn't she have accepted the loan from Michael's family?

Lush

Jordan Bradt: Intended for 7th graders.

Oh. My. Gosh. How? What? Why? I was so mad I tossed the book on the floor.

Girl with big boobs is constantly terrorized by her male classmates in front of her teachers. The teachers do nothing or tell her to be silent. They steal her bra at one point so other boys can look at it. This is announced in a classroom and the teacher tells them to quiet down. That's it.

Girl's father is an alcoholic. The book stresses that it is important for the girl and her brother to support their dad no matter what.

Girl's mom sees nothing wrong with dad's drinking and constantly enables him. There is actually no good female role model in the book. Girl's grandmother teaches her to keep the drinking a secret. Girl's mom turns to yoga to deal...and that makes everything all better.

Dad BEATS THE 4-YEAR-OLD BOY WITH A WHISKEY BOTTLE. Dad goes to rehab for 28 days. That's it. The boy needs RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY!!! He has a nasty scar. The dad isn't even questioned by police. After rehab, the girl and her brother forgive the dad and welcome him home. She hopes he doesn't do anything like that abuse again.

Girl (age 13) goes to a party and is almost raped by 3 boys (age 17). She is embarrassed and goes home, and learns to deal with it. Basically the almost-rape is her fault because she was drinking like her dad. Um...gang rape? Statutory rape? No biggie - it was her fault. She brought it on herself, clearly. She tells her mom and her mom just lets it go. She tells her male friend and he gets mad, and she tells him to let it go, so he does...because almost getting raped is no biggie, right?

Her bestest of the best friends turn against her at the slightest thing (her blowing them off to go to the party). They forgive her. All is peachy keen. Throughout the book they are shown as being wishy-washy, and that is how a best friend should act, apparently.

This book...it has made me so angry.

BOSTON JACKY

This is Book 11. Click here for the Bradt Cousins' review of Book One.

Stephanie Bradt: It’s that time of year again. Another chapter of Jacky Faber’s adventures has been released and it is time for yours truly to lambast, um, I mean, review it. I realize that my reviews are more like diatribes, so I will try to be a little nicer this time around.

I’ll start by just getting it out of the way. As always, there is no point to this book and nothing happens. With that being said, I’ll just list random moments that made me say, as Jacky does, “hmmmm."

I still love the ever-present historical references. Sure, at times they are random and far-fetched, but these books are really what got me into historical fiction again. As long as you mentally prepare yourself for randomness and do not take it too seriously, then it’s all good. 

• I really liked all the talk of the different fire companies and how they competed over being able to put out a fire so they could make money. This also alluded to the history of insurance, which today is still called “fire” insurance when referring to the protection of buildings and property. As someone who briefly worked rating commercial insurance policies, I enjoyed and appreciated the reference.
• Two people were caught having sex outside. (Of course. This is a children's book, after all). In Othello, Shakespeare writes a euphemism for having sex, calling it “making the beast with two backs.”
• People sing La Bamba. I loved seeing the lyrics all written out. I never knew that it was actually a folk song before it was adapted into the 1950s song that most people know. I looked it up and it has maritime origins. Cool beans. I am really interested in the history of this song now.

I love that Jacky basically acknowledges that she is not that hot and sexy and irresistible after all. She mentions that as soon as he saw Clarissa Worthington Howe, Flaco Jimenez (yes, he is back) forgot about Jacky. Likewise, Randall dumped Jacky for Polly Von while Richard Allen likes this chick named Sidrah better than Jacky. Just as I’ve always said—Jacky is only a bombshell when she has no competition. On the other hand, I do enjoy the story of Amy and Ezra and I would like to see more of them. I think it is because Amy and Ezra have more of a gradual and (extremely) slow-burning romance that is a little more pure and sincere, a little less neurotic.

Also, I love the Easter eggs I discover in these books. They make me feel smart. This time, I noticed that the Mrs. Shinn in the book seems an awful lot like the Mrs. Shinn in The Music Man. Hmmmm.

This book's featured side in Jacky’s love dodecagon: There wasn't really anyone new, per se. A lot of the old lovers kind of came and went
My favorite new character: No one? I guess there were a few new characters, but no one was really important. So I'll say YAY, LIAM DELANEY CAME BACK! I love the Irish people. 

FLASH FIRE

Jordan Bradt: I discovered another great find from the library’s used bookroom: FLASH FIRE by Caroline B. Cooney.  I liked the look of it because I usually enjoy her books, but the cover also hooked me.  Fire licks at the sidelines while a boy and girl run down the center of a road.  The curly-haired boy has his backpack and his camera.  The girl carries a shirt, a school binder, a kitten, and a trophy. 

As soon as I started reading this book, I knew I would have to share it with you.  California is the setting; the book’s copyright is 1995, so I assume it takes place then.  They mention email, and I don’t remember having email back then, but I was seven, so I liked dolls more than sending electronic mail. 

Danna is young girl living in a ritzy neighborhood.  Parts of Los Angeles, a different area than hers, are on fire.  Danna is safe, but she wants excitement, so she wishes for the fire.  She wants to ride her cats out to safety.  Yes, I think that’s what the confusing paragraph stated.  Then, there’s her brother, Hall, who is out swimming even though the ashes in the air make it hard to breathe.  I bet that’s good for his lungs.  Their parents are screenwriters, but Hall wants to help mentally/psychologically damaged children.  He’s afraid that career won’t be appropriate.  Right now he’s helping the neighbors’ four-year-old “son,” a little boy adopted from overseas.  He doesn’t react to things well, so his new family dislikes him.  They also have issues with the nanny, who ignores him to run off with the family money and cars.  They also have a maid who sold herself to get to America and smokes a lot.  Continuing through the neighborhood, we meet Beau and his little sister, Elisabeth.  Her mother is horrified by everything about her and constantly makes fun of her.  Beau is pretty unmemorable, apart from craving attention from his dad.  Oh, and then there is the son who’s ashes are kept in a box on the mantle (I think.  They’re somewhere in the house haunting the living half-brother).  We also meet (as if we don’t have enough characters to keep track of) a disgruntled guard who leaves his post without caring if the gate opens, the fire itself, and tourists who want to watch the “big” houses burn.  I actually enjoyed getting into the fire’s “mind” because it was a different perspective than in most stories.

Spoiler alert: Although it was a little slow in coming – most of the story is set up for when Danna’s neighborhood burns – eventually the fire does reach them.  The maid, Elony, grabs the “damaged” little boy.  Beau and Elisabeth escape in a car.  Danna saves the horses, but breaks her leg, so Hall carries her and her box of kittens.  Beau and Elisabeth appear in their car, so Danna and Hall get in, along with Elony and little Geoffrey – and the kittens, of course, who get loose and scatter around the car.  Beau realizes he can’t leave his brother’s ashes behind, so he flees from the car to go back into the mansion.  Hall is forced to drive away to save everyone else, even though Elisabeth panics.  Eventually, Elisabeth recovers enough that she and Elony pray for Beau, and she wants one of the kittens.  The author expertly describes Beau’s thought process as he dies of smoke inhalation.  She also describes how his house melts around him.  Yeah, he doesn’t make it.  Beau had been my favorite of the characters because he’d seemed the realest. 

We’re now at the end of the book.  The tourists stealing from everyone are caught by the police.  The fire has more or less moved on.  I had difficulty picturing the scene where Hall drives to meet the people.  Where was the fire?  What did the surroundings look like?  Beau’s parents are there; his dad hitched a ride with a trucker and his mom ran.  Realizing Beau is gone, the mom breaks down in hysterics and has to be tranquilized.  The dad tells Elisabeth he loves her, decides to take in Elony so she can be Elisabeth’s friend, and buys everyone ice cream from the ice cream truck.  Yes, there is an ice cream truck here at this site of fire (or whatever this setting is) and yes, the dad realizes his son is dead so he buys them ice cream to eat. 

Some aspects of this book reminded me of a Judy Blume novel, but I rate it a lot higher than anything I’ve read by her.  FLASH FIRE involved character development (gasp) and vivid descriptions of fires in California.  I couldn’t decide what rating to give it on GoodReads, since parts were good and parts were outrageous.  At first I debated on three stars, due to the mixed feelings, but it did keep me reading past midnight since I needed to know what happened next.  Then, I though four stars, but the story had stuck with me.  It made me look around my house and think about people who lose everything in flash fires.  Their houses didn’t just burn.  They melted.  It wasn’t just the house, either.  It was the yard, the outbuildings, the tennis courts… Okay, I don’t have tennis courts.  Still, personal possessions don’t mean anything if you lose your life, so I began cleaning out things I don’t want anymore.  I ended up granting the novel five stars because it has, in a way, changed my life.